You can only go as fast as the slowest part of you allows you to go.
That could be why you're not moving!
Years ago two dear friends gave me a framed picture of a medicine wheel that was designed for me. I instantly recognized some of the words on the wheel. Now, I’m not sure which quadrant represents what direction but it doesn’t matter actually since I’ve seen this wheel turn very often in my life. Wheels are made for turning I believe.
It hangs over the bookcase in my meditation room (AKA extra bedroom, AKA the Red Tent). If I read it from left to right it begins with this phrase, “All that I need is drawn to me and all that I have is given away, All that I give comes back to me tenfold. So be it.”
That alone is a powerful piece of wisdom.
As my eye then moves to the right is another pretty big piece. “Become whole and all else will come to you.” This has been my goal since my hippy dippy days, with large gardens in the back of my home, bread baking every week in the oven, traveling to the next town north to the (tuberculin free) farm to pick up whole milk to make the yogurt that my daughter grew up on.” Whole. Whole foods, whole systems, wholistic thinking, and a powerful desire to feel whole.
The next piece of wisdom on the wheel came to me from one of my very first coaches, and took a long time to really “grok,” “Once you commit to wholeness, all that is not that will step forward to me healed.”
Gulp.
I opened the door and then “all that is not that” seemed to pour in. And poured and poured. Talk about unsettling.
It’s not pouring as much these days - now it’s more like a strong and persistent trickle.
Coming around the wheel though is the piece I have been most vexed by for along time. It requires my attention while I’m awake and even while I try to sleep. “You can only go as fast as the slowest part of you will allow you to go.”
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
Sometimes this piece of wisdom feels like it’s going to choke me. Tears well immediately as think about how behind I feel.
It’s not like I don’t sit with her, that little one, that slow-poke. I tell her how much I love her, I do, but she stubbornly sticks her feet into what often feels like quicksand.
Time’s a wastin’. I got old. Shit.
Not realizing until this year the impact of this “neurodiversity” called ADHD has had on my life and the future that seemed to disappear before my eyes, I’m still trying to lovingly coax her along.
Yes I have a coach and no, I won’t take drugs for it, so many days feel like a struggle. Even though I study and teach happiness and practice gratitude, there are days when that little one, the slowest part of me, just wants to be held and rocked and soothed.
So if you are wondering why I can’t get myself together to do lots and lots of videos even though I have lots and lots of content and want the whole world to know about the value of what I do. It’s her.
She’s still scared.
Of what I am not sure.
Nothing seems scarier than being at this point in life without a safety net. But then I go back to the start of the wheel to find my advice. All that I need is drawn to me and all that I have is given away, All that I give comes back to me tenfold. So be it.”
And so be it. Every day I will get up and remind myself of this wisdom and keep writing. Finally, not just in bound books, but in a space where perhaps the wisdom I have to share can benefit others. Pass this along. Repost. Share it with friends, and let’s see if that helps the magic happen.
I inch up my tolerance for bliss to happen, even if it’s only a tiny bit every day.
How good can you stand it?
JoAnna